Harassment? Or Being "Hit On"?

To the comedians who say, "Well, I'm just NEVER going to hit on anyone ever again since it will just be called harassment!" in response to women sharing their stories of harassment, assault, and sexism...

Grow up. And learn some manners.

Many people like compliments. Many people like sexy talk. Many people like being asked out on dates.

But many of us like this at the APPROPRIATE place and time in the development of our friendship/relationship. Many of us like it if you could do it in a non-threatening and decent human being way to gauge our interest before assuming that our bodies are yours to touch, or assuming the phone number you got from our group contact list is yours to blow up with flirtatious and suggestive texts or sexy photo requests.

I'm not saying that you can't express romantic interest in another human being in this community. I am not claiming that asking a person out or showing romantic interest is automatically harassment.

But I am saying - I'm sorry that society didn't teach you when and how it's appropriate to approach these things.

Since it seems to be really hard to figure out WHEN and HOW to ask people out appropriately in the comedy community - or apparently in life in general - let me break it down for you.

CLASS/SHOW/WORKSHOP: NO WAY!

Don't ask me out or show romantic interest in me when we are engaged in a professional setting together. A show, a class, a workshop. Contrary to the reflection in your mirror's belief-- I didn't sign up for that class to meet you. I signed up for that class to learn. I'm in that show because I want to improve my craft by gaining more stage time. I'm taking the workshop because I want a new experience. I'm not there looking for my next flame. Wait until after this professional setting has completed so I can enjoy my experience.

AFTER THE CLASS/SHOW/WORKSHOP HAS COMPLETED ITS RUN: YES WAY!

If you still feel so inclined once the professional or educational timeline has passed, ask in a polite, adult way. We just finished an 8 week course together. Class clears out and we are walking out the door. A great sentence could be " Excuse me (NAME), Can I talk to you for a second? I am interested in getting to know you more and I was wondering if you might like to go on a date some time?"

For those being asked - you can politely decline. It's okay to say NO!

TALKING ABOUT AND/OR TOUCHING MY BODY: NO WAY!

Don't say things about my body parts when you barely know me. Don't TOUCH my body parts when you barely know me. In fact, don't touch my body parts if you DO know me. It's my body. I don't care how many drinks you want to blame it on, or the fact that 20 people just did 3 hours of dick jokes at an open mic. Slapping my ass or talking about how fine I am is NOT appropriate. And while you might think that telling me how "thick" my "sexy" "thighs" are or how "fine" I look tonight... it's creepy. I'm a lot more than some thick thighs.

TALKING ABOUT AND/OR STIMULATING MY BRAIN: YES WAY!

If you're interested in me, talk to me like a human. Ask me some questions that are non-sexual. Even if you want to rip my clothes off - it can wait. You're getting ahead of yourself. Slow your roll. Gauge if there's mutual interest by investigating my brain. A great sentence would be: "I am interested in getting to know you more and I was wondering if you might like to go on a date some time?"

For those being asked - you can politely decline. It's okay to say NO! It saves everyone time and headache.

CONTINUING TO COMPLIMENT AND/OR HIT ON ME WHEN I'VE SAID NO: NO WAY!

Hey FREAK. Get a clue. If I have said no - it means no. It doesn't mean maybe I'll change my mind. It doesn't mean you can compliment me enough to get me to like you simply because I see how much YOU like me. It means go away. It means shut off your feels. It means leave me alone. There are plenty of people on the planet. You're just not for me. Take a hint - and let it go. When you continue to make advances after no response or a clear "NO", you are entering serious harassment territory.

COMPLIMENT AND/OR HIT ON ME WHEN I'VE EXPRESSED MUTUAL INTEREST: MAYBE WAY!

This depends on the person. For me, I'm like - yeah. I like you - you like me - let's talk about how much we like each other and why! Others might not be as into it so you'd have to gauge based on the individual but - once you've asked me out and I've said yes and we are on a date, I'd love to hear what you think we have in common and I might also enjoy some flirty jokes and comments.

TALK ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE, MY SEX LIFE, OR ANY SEXUAL COMMENTARY: NO WAY!

This isn't the porn store and you are not the store clerk. Sexy and sex talk is something that should be reserved for a mutually attracted pair of people in a private setting. Questions about my sex life, what I like in bed, how many people I've slept with - would you ask those things to your current boss? Probably not. If you would - you should probably find a new job. Helpful rule of thumb - Would you bring it up at an office job or talk to your boss this way? If the answer is no - then DON'T do it to me! If it's a professional setting (work, a class, a show) don't bring that stuff up. I actually don't want you to bring it up unless I've gone on a few dates with you and we are interested in each other. And even then, I still have the right to tell you that I'm just not at that place in the development of our friendship/dating-lationship.

TALK ABOUT LIFE: YES WAY!

Talking about day to day subjects is a great way to get to know people better. Diving into sex life is a personal and potentially hazardous situation. There are lots of things we can discuss that are interesting and won't make me feel gross in my tummy.

There are a million more ways to be appropriate and decent about "hitting on" someone instead of "harassing" them. Hope this helps to point you in the right direction.

#harassment #comedy #womenincomedy #comedians #romance #hiton #appropriatetime #professionalism