You're Making It Up: Harassment, Sexism, And Assault of Women In Comedy

Let me tell you something. We aren't making this shit up. While we cannot verify the validity of these anonymously submitted stories - I dare you - DARE you - to go ask 5 women who are part of the comedy scene if they've experienced any sort of sexism, sexual harassment/unwanted sexual advances, or assault. Maybe then it will be more REAL for you since you seem to think that anonymity means lying? I am trying to do everyone a favor by providing a safe space to tell these stories. Some women have felt empowered enough to now tell their stories with specifics, names, faces, and institutions. BRAVO you badasses. TELL YOUR STORY. Set us free.

We will be putting on an event in Chicago, Grand Rapids, Miami and Boston Valentine's week to stand up for women in our community. This organization is going to start making sure we provide safe spaces since some places can't seem to handle it even though sexual harassment laws were created in 1964. To attend the event in Chicago at the Laugh Factory - click here for more info or for tickets.

If you've experienced something similar, click here to fill out the anonymous form to share your story/ tell us.

Or, click here to write and submit an open/anonymous letter to your perpetrator to share on our blog.

For those just now jumping on this woman wagon of hell fire ----

I posted up an anonymous form allowing the women of our comedy communities to share some of their experiences of harassment, sexism, and/or assault within our community. It's now been 6 days since I posted it and I've had over 280 submissions from several different cities and countries (Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Boston, D.C., Vancouver, Brisbane, Melbourne, Ohio, Baltimore, Philly, Raleigh, Halifax, Chippewah Falls, Austin, Seattle). More are still coming in. The posts below are some of what was shared.

Sadly, there are so many entries coming in (currently at over 280) that I decided as I continue to post - to make the rest of the entries that come in pasted as text to speed up the blogging process. I will still post one with a photo at the start of each entry to keep the theme of representing anonymity. I was also told that the font on some of the photos was hard to read from cell phones and computers so hopefully this makes the reading process easier. Here's another random handful:

#83:

A man started an improv scene with me by placing his head on my breast. He then hugged me a bunch and eventually implied I was his prostitute and said I needed to leave before his wife got home.

After the scene, he humorously commented, 'I'm glad my wife didn't see that', as if that would make me feel anything but gross. He was gross.

The whole class saw it. I talked about it with my friends later. It was the sort of situation where I wasn't sure what to do at the time but afterward realized that I should have stopped the scene. I hadn't felt threatened, per se, but I was uncomfortable, and there is no reason to force myself to be okay with such a shitty situation.

The (female) teacher of the class drew me aside later and asked if I was okay. She said that that happens to women in comedy a lot, but that doesn't make it okay. She said to always feel free to stop a scene midway through if ever uncomfortable. I really appreciated that.

A week later he realized I was acting coldly toward him. He indicated to my friends and me that he was confused why I would be mad at him. They attempted to explain the situation to him. Eventually he apologized, but I could tell he still didn't think he owed me an apology, so I said 'Do not ever do that to a woman again' and did not hug him when he tried to hug me after his 'apology'.

This Perpetrator was a Classmate.

This happened in Class.

#135: I ran into a teacher at a show and I was wearing shorts with fishnet stockings. He looked at me up and down and said "what's with the naughty outfit?" It made me so uncomfortable but I just looked him in the eyes and said "this is what I like to wear" and walked away.

Yeah, I told a couple of other women who have experienced similar things.

This Perpetrator was a Teacher

This happened at the theater.

#92: He (the instructor) asked a question about math and patterns and when I answered it, he said "oooooh I'm going to take you on a date." Everyone laughed. I said "noooo you're not" over the laughter. Within two minutes of this, he directly asked me and only me another question about math. I answered it and he then said "ok everybody leave the room except for me and [my name]. Give us like an hour and a half." All of this was said in a sexual tone. Lots of "oooohs" and weird shit. After class, he asked me my ethnicity. I told him that I'm Hispanic and that most people don't realize that because I look very white. He said "oh, I can smell brown women..."

I told many people about it privately. My boyfriend, my male teammates, a female instructor I had at another training center, a male instructor I had at another training center, and two female mentors of mine. But I have been scared to go public about it.

Most people were supportive, but only one person encouraged me to take action and to not be scared.

I am so angry because this man is in charge of the theatre where this happened. There is no one above him to whom I can complain. And short of blasting him on the Internet, I'm powerless to seek justice. I am also mad because I continuously see other improvisers referencing him as an "inclusive" guy because he's of [specific ethnicity] descent and is very loud about ethnic diversity and representation in comedy. But he's not inclusive. He's an asshole misogynist who doesn't deserve praise.

The Perpetrator was a teacher.

This happened in class.

#113: I was in an improv scene and I was basically labeled as the "bitchy wife". Score! So I played that hard. I played an annoying, whiny woman in a scene where I was preventing my husband from what he wanted to be doing. At the end of the scene, my male scene partner slapped me. Not a stage slap. A real slap. I can't think of another time in my life I've been slapped before.

The coach said after the scene "How well do you guys know each other?". We didn't know each other well at all. The coach went on to say "It's only okay to slap your partner if you both feel comfortable with each other". I did not feel comfortable. I'm pretty disappointed that the coach and the rest of my practice group didn't call this out more and really explain why it's not OK.

My teammates asked later on if I was alright, because I was pretty shocked. There was nothing really said about it after that, but I still think about it a lot.

The Perpetrator was a Classmate.

This happened in an Improv practice group

#139: This "booker/comic" booked me for a show. later he contacted me and told me i needed to audition. As he was a comic I asked what mics shows he'd be at in the next week or so so I could go and audition then. He told me I could come over and audition at his place. I told him I didn't feel comfortable. He then replaced me on the show with another female comic saying he needed a hot female comic whose picture on a poster would help sell tickets.

I told a bunch of people. He's no longer around anyway.

The Perpetrator was a Booker, Fellow Comedian

This happened Before a Show

#147: He walked up to me and my boyfriend after my set, who is also a Comedian, pointed at me and said to my boyfriend, "I guess I'm not going to be Fucking her tonight huh?"

He cornered me a few days later at the same bar while I was conducting interviews and tried to shame me for not wanting to speak to him.

Once was told by a third party that another comedian asked a married friend of mine who does comedy if he was "hitting that?" In reference to me because we only hung out with each other. Another group of dudes thought it was okay to discuss the firmness of another woman's breasts, gauging my boyfriends input whilst right in front of me. A Booker once assumed I was my boyfriends harpy girlfriend who "wanted to try stand up cuz my boyfriend did"

The Perpetrators were Audience Member, Fellow Comedian, Stranger.

This happened at an Open Mic

#211:Finished sets where I killed, with material I worked hard on. Spent countless hours polishing jokes, etc. I was always prepared and things went well. Almost without fail, I'd be followed by male comedians who would completely underscore my performance by following my set with their very loosely written sets containing plenty of wildly graphic "jokes" about how they'd fuck me, which they came up with on the spot.

I mean, I can't even begin to tell you how many times they talked about what they'd do to my "pussy". HILARIOUS!!

Oh yeah! As war stories. Listen, I was the one who got the laughs during my set and they didn't get them during their shitty ones, so we each got what we deserved.

Didn't ask for it, didn't need it. The audience was always on my side, not the asshole's.

The Perpetrator was a Fellow Comedian

This happened During A Show/On Stage, Open Mic

#256:The comic was a headliner. He didn't take me serious as a comic because I wasn't a headliner. Was aggressively hitting on me while I was trying to talk comedy with the group. He eventually stuck his hands down my pants while I was sitting on the couch. One hand to my ass and the other down my front trying to grab my crotch.

He went out of his way whenever I was near him to dismiss me as a fake comic. I was told I wasn't allowed to have an opinion on anything comedy related.

No. He was the top of the Bro pyramid in Vancouver and he was on the edge of a winning streak. I would have been blacklisted. Comics were there when it was happening (we were sitting in a cozy, dark, couch sitting area with a square table in the centre) and everyone looked the other way. The female comics there ignored the behaviour too.

I never mentioned it again. No one helped me when it was happening.

I look him up every now and again secretly wishing that his career is in shambles and someone has finally blacklisted him. He's fine. He's still da' man.

This perpetrator was a Fellow Comedian

This happened at a Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party

#190: "How does it feel to have my white feet riding your black shoulders to success?!"

This person was EVERYONE'S boss…i was so shocked, it couldn't believe it. i was MUCH younger at the time and BECAUSE it was comedy organization, off-color jokes were part of the norm...

This Perpetrator was a Producer.

This Happened At Work Within A Comedy Institution/Venue

#250: I was in a Chicago sketch writing program with a guy whose pick-up lines were so aggressive I figured it had to be a bit. He openly talked about what he thought my underwear looked like and drew obscene pictures of me, described my body, tried regularly to get me to come over to his place alone, called me a "wounded bird" who would be easy to take advantage of, etc etc, while getting into arguments with me that "sexism doesn't exist anymore." When I finally realized it wasn't a bit and he was regularly texting me things like "wanna make out?" one day I responded "no thanks." That sent him off on a vicious text tirade, to the point where I was worried for my safety (during a writer's meeting when he bullied another woman, a guy in our group stepped in and this guy threatened to throw him off the balcony).

Just some of what he said after I turned him down: "total bitch. It's no wonder why no one likes you. You're poison to people trying to be in your life. Play victim again...like you always do. Don't worry I'll say this to your face again." (Luckily, I avoided him and he didn't have the chance to do so.)

After much trepidation, I sent screen shots of some of the harassing texts to our director. The other woman in the group also reached out with similar concerns.

His initial response was: "Ladies: You're not always going to work with people you like. And this was made into a bigger deal than it needed to be." After the other woman threatened police action, the director took it more seriously and told the guy never to talk to us again, but reading the director's first response was the first time I've ever cried at a bar. I also reported the behavior from the guy on my class eval, but pretty sure nothing happened.

This Perpetrator was a classmate.

This happened at Class, Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party

#249: In the tech booth, during intermission we lights and sound folk were just gossiping about nothing important, nothing significant. We were all women. The director's contribution to the conversation involved bragging about the first time he made a girl squirt. How he thought it meant he broke her. He wondered if we had ever known that we girls can squirt during orgasm. Yeah, that was awkward. I was 27 years old. I wanted to be cool and liked. It was like getting a glimpse of what a boys locker-room conservation must be like.

this was in person. You know, talking about making girls squirt during sex as a badge of honor. Just your normal chit chat in 1997.

This Perpetrator was a Director

This happened During A Show/On Stage

#243: This is about multiple men so I'll try to list them in order. 1. I used to get harassing text messages from a booker about my body 2. I once had a conversation with a club booker about my breasts, which are fake, for 15 minutes because his "wife was thinking of getting them." (sure) 3. The same club owner called me a cum-guzzling cunt (among other things) when I questioned the amount of headlining female comics he employed at his club [ club name] 4. I've been called whore many times 5. I once posted on FB about preferring diverse and inclusive comedy shows and a guy said I was a porn star (I made one porn) and then said I was a star because I got my head fucked into a super nova. This was, again, because I said in my own status on my own page that I preferred inclusive comedy shows 6. Too many to mention

[Did the person you told help you? If not, why not?] What can they possibly do?

The Perpetrator was a Friend, Fellow comic.

This Happened Before a Show, Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party, Open Mic, Online, At Work Within A Comedy Institution/Venue

#230: I interned at a theater in Hollywood. This establishment hires white men (almost exclusively) as teachers and bartenders. This establishment hires attractive white women (almost exclusively) as cocktail waitresses and interns. The amount of inappropriate behavior the Artistic Director and sole manager of the theater displayed towards the attractive women working for him is insane. No one comes forward because they are convinced it is an isolated situation and it's pointless to be a nobody vs. THE HEAD OF THE THEATER. I don't love ruining families and careers, but it's been going on for decades with zero repurcution.

I know a friend contacted the owner of the school in [Other City].

She did not help. She said why would she believe someone she didn't know against someone she's known for years

The Perpetrator was a Club Owner, Teacher, Director.

This Happened Back Stage.

#218: My experiences range from a simple assumption that I was backstage because I was someone's girlfriend even though I was the headlining act to being violently sexually assaulted then shunned because I refused to sit down and have a chat with my attacker and another comedian so we could "work it out". I'd like to point out that the attack was one where he smothered me to the point of seeing stars and left me covered in bruises. The local community then shunned me to a point where I no longer worked.

"Well what did YOU do to provoke it" - said by a member of my own troupe when I sat them down to explain what had happened and why I didn't want to perform with him

"You're calling this a rape when clearly it was a sexual assault. YOU are a liar and your ruining his reputation"

"Get it together, this isn't about you" -said when I was leaving a venue where he has showed up

"If you won't talk about this with him and I, you and I can't be in contact" - said when I refused to sit down with him.

[...] I did tell people in my close circle but the reaction was so negative that I never went to the police. I was booked regularly until this happened. Within about a month, I couldn't get booked. My troupe kicked me out saying I was a liability and had caused a scene for nothing.

[ did the people you told help you?] Not at all. I was recently contacted by someone who called to apologize for the calculated ousting I faced. He said that they had actually had drinks to discuss how they would ruin my reputation and call people to tell them not to do shows with me, what they would tell people about me personally.

The Perpetrators were - Agent, Audience Member, Booker, Fellow Comedian, Friend, Stranger, Director.

This happened at Rehearsal, During A Show/On Stage, Back Stage, Before a Show, Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party, Online, At a Festival.

#186: I was new to improv and didn't know how to get out of a scene and ended up as the survivor in a date rape scene. They drugged me in the scene.

It was fucking awful.

This Perpetrator was a Classmate.

This happened in class.

#177: Would ask me to go home with him after shows or practices despite my disinterest and also being in a relationship, get very dark and complain that I'd never fall in love with him and then insinuate that my lack of affection contributed to his suicidal tendencies. some of this was articulated in lengthy facebook message essays which would roll in at 2am. Also was very possessive and would be aggressive towards people he thought I was flirting with. Plus the standard, mild "you have to say yes to touching in Improv" stuff. I know he was like this with a couple of other women in the community as well.

"I just want us to be cool with each other, and just be friends until you decide otherwise"

Yes, when we were placed on the same level [ ] team at [Institution] I finally went to [ name ommitted] (the guy who runs the [institution] theater's conservatory program and one of the panel who places people on house teams).

[name] was extremely understanding and helpful. He immediately switched the teams around (and actually convinced me that this was ok to do. I initially wanted to do nothing at all for fear of causing drama) and I've never found myself in an audition with this person. [name] also encouraged me to tell [name] (the director of the sketch program) that I was having trouble with someone since we were both applying for sketch teams. Neither of us got cast, but [name] was also very cool and helpful about it.

I wanted to share this not just because of the gross guy stuff, but also because of the amount of unquestioning support i got from the [institution] theater's authority figures when I brought it to them. I hope you're able to keep all of the people I've mentioned anonymous, since I didn't specifically ask if I could share these stories around.

The Perpetrator was a Classmate, Fellow Comedian.

This Happened at Rehearsal, Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party, Online.

#172: Teacher: In 2010 I was in an improv class that ran from 7-10 on a weeknight. The class had run over by 20 minutes or so but I still had a question regarding an exercise on emotion that we had run. I stayed after to ask the teacher for clarification. The teacher began to explain things to me while closing up - arranging the chairs and turning off the lights. He then assumed a character to illustrate his lesson and got in my face and said, "I really want to have sex with you right now," broke the character with, "see what I did there?" without retreating so he was still in my face. He then commented on how beautiful I was and how lovely my eyes are (and did this for 2 years straight after this incident) before flipping back into the character of wanting to have sex with me. I didn't know what to do. I knew this was inappropriate, but he didn't touch me and just went back and forth between this lusty sex-driven character and teacher explaining a point. I didn't know how to respond when it was happening and played "clueless student." I didn't know how to navigate an incident like this especially with trying to advance and excel in a comedy theater as a 20 year old who was still in school. The guy was also in a relationship while this was happening. Director: I was on a sketch team where the director hit on me constantly in front of my teammates and outside of the rehearsal. I thought I made it clear that I was there to work and had no interest in him but it didn't stop him from sitting next to me at every meeting, touching me and playing with my hair whenever he got the chance, or pressing himself onto me after shows at bars. I spoke to teammates about it because, once again, I didn't know how to navigate a situation like that. I didn't want to quit the team or report him because I did value his directing and his feedback. I also didn't want to be "difficult." This was also one of the first teams I was a part of. It was interesting because the guys on my team told me they'd help and the ladies said to embrace the "special treatment." Coach: I was on a team where the coach tried to have sex with me multiple times. After a great show, my team went out to celebrate. I ended up getting drunk and the coach took it upon himself to walk me home, which I did not ask for nor need. He pressed me against a wall and started making out with me and kept trying to have me have sex with him. I said no. We didn't have sex.

I don't think I have any verbatim quotes. I get called out for having big boobs a lot and to use them to get ahead. WHICH I HATE.

Every time something happened to me I didn't say anything because I thought it was going to threaten my reputation as a collaborative, hirable, and fucking good comedian.

These Perpetrators were a Club Owner, Fellow Comedian, Teacher, Director, Coach.

This Happened at a Class, Rehearsal, Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party

#134: Was told by the director of my improv theatre that I should expand my characters by playing more "pretty characters." I still don't know what that means.

I told some other ensemble members. We all just shrugged and laughed, because that's just "who that guy is."

This Perpetrator was a Director.

This Happened During a performance review.

#100: A club owner and performer on a few occasions "vag-tapped" female performers in shows and classes and made constant rape jokes as well.

[ Did you tell anyone?] No - they owned the club. How could we?

It just made us feel so uncomfortable - it sets such a horrible tone.

This perpetrator was a Club Owner.

This Happened During Shows.

#189: This person Grabbed my breasts during a scene. as casually as if she (yes, she) were shaking hands.

[Quotes said by perpetrator to woman] "I fucked your father".

Yes, told a trusted female instructor. This happened on the first day of a class with a male instructor. It was not addressed directly and appropriately during class.

#195: After a house party, many friends and improvisers were too drunk to drive, and all spent the night. I awoke the next morning with someone on top of me, kissing me and touching me over my clothes. I did not know who it was, army eyes were still closed and I tried to remember if I had laid down on the sofa with anyone when I went to sleep. I hadn't. I said, "I have to go to the bathroom" and pulled away and got up, then saw it was a friend and fellow improviser. He was smiling and laughing. I made as quick of an exit as I could. Once home it hit me, and I was very disgusted and felt violated and betrayed.

When I confronted the improviser about his violation, he shrugged it off as "normal, drunken bad behavior" and implied it was mutual. I stated it was absolutely not mutual or consensual or in any way appropriate and ended our friendship.

I told a few friend, who backed me up and also cut off contact with this individual.

I found out he had done this to another woman and had a reputation for "singling out the drunkest girl at a party."

This Perpetrator was a Fellow Comedian, Friend.

This happened at Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party.

#196: He grabbed my breasts. I pushed him away and said he couldn't do that, and he said, " it doesn't matter, I'm gay. It doesn't mean anything. I can touch you all I want. It's fine." And he tried to grab my breasts again. At which point I became angry and left.

I think I tried to talk with a friend about why it bothered me. I wanted to talk through how to explain to him that it was not ok, and that I was not overreacting.

I stopped performing with that person after that.

This person was a Fellow Comedian, Friend.

This happened at a Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party.

#201: The basic sentiment was that I was fat and therefore a less desirable female to be in a troupe/featured show/etc.

It was a generally known preference of the director. This particular person cast myself and another female performer instead of casting two other "heavier, less attractive" female company members in a specific showcase show. It had always been an accepted practice that this particular director tended to cast female performers he was attracted to.

This Perpetrator was a Teacher, Director.

This happened at Class, Rehearsal, During A Show/On Stage, Back Stage, Before a Show.

#213: After buying me a lot of alcohol and pressuring me into drinking it, this person tried to get me to go home with him for over an hour. He repeatedly kissed me, which was fine at first but then after awhile I told him to stop and he didn't. For like, 30 minutes. I tried moving my head away from his and covering my face with my hands and nothing helped. He was a booker of two of the biggest independent shows at the time, a teacher, director, and house team member. I thought that if I tried to get away or made a scene that it could have repercussions for me in comedy. So I stayed. The few times I tried to make a go for it he would (gently, but still) grab my arm, hand, hip, whatever so I couldn't leave. I wanted to scream. If I knew then what I know now I would have knocked his teeth out. But I didn't. Eventually the bar was closing and he had to leave, but before he did he made sure to tell me that "this wasn't a thing" and that it "wouldn't mean anything tomorrow."

He repeatedly said gross things like "I'll be gentle" and "it will be beautiful" (when we have sex). Full disclosure, I had never had sexual intercourse up until this point (and he knew that) so imagine hearing 30 minutes of creepy ass comments like that. Ugh.

[...] I told a woman that was in a position of authority at the theater who started an investigation into the issue and involved the head of the theater.

[...] the incident was investigated, confirmed, and the perpetrator was kicked out literally 48 hours later. I will say that there were allegations against this person for several years but there wasn't a sexual harassment policy in place until four months after this incident and I think a lot of the allegations were not able to be validated. I think people were scared to speak up. But the tide is turning now and I think we as a community are reaching a tipping point. We don't take this shit anymore. Not in our city. A lot of productive conversation has occurred and I'm so grateful that we're moving as a community to protect, support, understand, and validate women.

This Perpetrator was a Booker, Fellow Comedian, Producer, Teacher, Director.

This happened at a Post Show Hangout/Bar/Party

#209: I was waiting outside my classroom for my [class name] to begin, and the only other person in the building at the time was our class buddy, an experienced improviser who was basically auditing the class to assist the instructor and eventually teach his own classes. It was 15°F outside and we really had nothing else to discuss, so I mentioned how cold it was outside. His response? "Well that's because you have those tight little jeans on". I had to spend the next 20 minutes alone with this guy feeling so skeevy, because 1) no one else was around and 2) I was uncomfortable calling this guy out because he was an experienced and respected member of a community that I was just starting to join.

I didn't tell anyone because it felt innocent. Like maybe I had just misinterpreted what he meant. Also, because I didn't want to be blacklisted before I even graduated [class name]. And on top of that, the guy was in a very public and serious relationship with another company member who is also well-respected and loved. So I didn't want anything to come back and hurt her. Now I know how seriously [Institution name] takes the safety and wellbeing of their students and company members, so I would not be afraid to speak out. But at this point it feels too little too late, especially with the severity of the harassment that others have experienced, mine feels pretty lame. But I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened. Luckily it didn't turn me off from the whole improv scene, just from this one dude.

My experience isn't assault. It isn't overtly sexual aggression. But it's the little microaggressions like this from people in perceived positions of power that scare people off from comedy. I'm fortunate that I came to terms with the fact that this guy was just a total wanker and the exception, not the rule. But this incident could have and would have made many many other people feel unsafe in the community. I wish I had spoken up then, because since that happened, I've heard rumblings that he has participated in performances and behavior that made many people uncomfortable.

This Perpetrator was a Teacher, Class "buddy"

This Happened Before a Show