To The Women Who Let Me Down

I'm talking to you. You know who you are. And since defamation is an easy way to protect yourself when it's just one person's word against another's, and since it's illegal to record phone conversations, and in person conversations -- I guess I'll have to start carrying notepads around with me and making sure I have each of you write everything we need to say to each other down on paper. Maybe then you'll stop saying things you shouldn't.

The women I'm speaking to here - you are real people. I can't name you since this is United States of No Real freedom of speech. I need that paper trail to protect myself in this country instead of being able to just have honest and open conversations so we can fix the issue. At the end of the day, that's what it's about. It's about fixing it together. And it's hard to do that - when a paper trail, and an HR statement is more important than an experience.

Sexism, inappropriate jokes, microaggressions and oppression are pieces of this whole. The tiny day to day things that we do contribute in greater part to the mass culture, to rape culture, to a culture of oppression.

And when you're willing to put a business entity above me as a human being- when you don't truly stand up for me - when those perceived "little things" happen- You let me down.

To My Female Mentor:

You are a light in this community. You are so giving, so loving, and would do anything for anyone. You are brave, and wise, and wonderful. You were always there for me when I needed to talk about anything. You were willing to listen and guide me. I trusted you. I still respect you. I care about you. I admire you.

You let me down when I posted privately to my facebook about an inapproriate joke that was made in class at the major institution. A joke that gave me anxiety. A joke that wasn't funny. A joke that hurt women and men. You let me down by calling me on the phone and telling me that after I posted it, the people in the admin office were talking badly about me - about how I was dramatic, a troublemaker, "difficult to work with". You let me down when you told me (NAME OF OTHER FEMALE RESPECTED TEACHER) was talking about my post and talking poorly of me. Your intention was to protect me. And I don't blame you. They've been telling you to sweep things under the rug for years. I know that your intention was to protect me.

In retrospect - your phone call --- you advising me to take it down, to not say things like that publicly. You induced more anxiety, guilted me, shamed me. You told me I should take the post down to protect myself - even though it didn't mention anyone's names or the institution. You thought you were guiding me. But you were letting me down.

To The Respected Woman Who Appears To Be A Pillar, an Advocate, and A Feminist Teacher:

I'm "difficult to work with" because I know how to express my feelings, thoughts, and opinions. So- if that makes me difficult to work with - then so be it. I will wear that badge with honor.

You are loud, and you are diffcult to learn under - you claim to be loud in the name of us women - but your loudness let me down at a time when I needed support. You are respected by many, yet you went behind my back to discredit my feelings about the inappropriate joke. You recklessly disregarded how I felt about what was said. You are a hypocrite. You tell people not to censor themselves and then you censor me for feeling? But at what cost? You are part of the problem. Artistic freedom does not mean teachers in authority, in a classroom should have the right to make others feel awful. Artistic freedom means, we can speak our truths. Artistic freedom and dipping into the pallette doesn't mean you get to make me relive my trauma in a room where I'm trying to have fun and make a difference in the world through social and political satire.

Please learn this - when you stand up for the artistic freedom of someone else but oppress me in the process - when you censor me in the pursuit of not censoring others - you let me down.

To The Female Admins Who Say You Welcome Me To Come To You:

If you want me to feel safe to come to you. Be on my side. Really make me feel safe. Policies, policies, policies. Those are just words. Words do little. Tone, action, and GENUINELY having my interest - not your institution's interest - at heart. That is what makes me feel safe to come to you. When I know that my basic human rights are valued above the dollars that are coming in, above what's "politically correct", above those phrases HR tells you to use. Then I will feel safe. I will know that you are a human being who wants to have a genuine, honest conversation with me about my well being in your building. That you actually care about how I feel, instead of how the company looks.

When you deny me that basic understanding. You let me down.